I was watching the Football Life episode about Barry Sanders' career and it got me to thinking. Barry dropped the mic in the prime of his career, and many wondered why. The thing about Barry's decision was that it wasn't about what the fans wanted, it was about what Barry wanted. He wanted out, plain and simple. He felt it was his time. I respect him for that...tremendously.
In the past couple of years my writing has slowed, and it's not for the lack of materials to write on. Lord knows I have piles of stuff to go through, videos, books, and the like. No, the slowing of the posting is more due to the slowing of the desire to write. I'm not of the axiom "Fake it until you make it", no I'm more like "What you see is what you get". Well, I can't hid the fact anymore that I have become bored with writing and the desire is no longer there. That is the plain and simple gist of it all.
To be honest, writing was never something I thought I could do or be good at, but it actually was quite therapeutic. When I started this blog, I was coming off of being fired at my Alma mater. It was a tumultuous time in my life, as since the the late 1980's I'd been involved with the game of football in some way shape or form. Either as a player, a coach, or a scout I'd been around the game being much more than just a fan. I'd always been a student of the game, and in 2011, that all came to an end. Well, so I thought. I got me a Blogger account and began writing, trying to share some of my stories, things I'd done, things I knew and had researched with my fellow coaches. I wanted to provide a place coaches could go and get information and use it, for nothing. I didn't want money, because writing about the game gave me some peace with what was going on around me. Luckily for me a friend gave me another shot at coaching, but the bitterness was still there, and the writing helped ease the pain. One of the biggest fears of my career has been that of being labeled a "failure". I wanted to prove to the doubters that I wasn't a failure. See, all my playing career I was given some sort of negative connotation. "Slow", "fat", "short", "not good enough" were always tossed around when talking about me as a player. I'm not bitter, hell, I'm thankful. Those words as a kid, motivated me to be better than I was. They motivated me to take the things I could control, such as being a student of the game, hustling, listening to every word my coach was saying, and use them to cover up my deficiencies. It landed me starting spots on a varsity squad when nobody gave me a chance and later got me a college scholarship to continue playing the game I love. Well, when I got fired, the knife cut pretty deep, as one can imagine. Especially getting fired from the place where you'd had so much success as both a player and a coach. The writing, helped me prove myself again, regain my confidence I'd lost, and along the way help out my fellow coach.
As time has wore on though, and I've regained my confidence, the need for writing has lessened. Me, always wanting to help people, felt as though I was cheating my fellow coach. I didn't want to walk away from writing, and at one point I felt like I owed it to my fellow coaches to continue on. I then made the decision to put all my writings that were going to go into a book I was going to get paid for, online, for free. I know, pat me on the back right?! Nah, I never felt right about getting paid to do something I loved so much, so it wasn't even a second thought to put it online. I've got so much positive feedback about that move, it was quite worth it.
I'm not taking the site down, by no means, I just don't have anything I want to write about at this time. I'm having a hard time just answering some of the emails I get. I may still do a mailbag post or two as the email piles up, and who knows, I may just get motivated again to start writing. What made me post this was a string of emails from various folks asking about writing this or that, to which I would begin digging through my research and find myself bogging down, because I simply had no desire to write anymore. I feel bad in a way, but good in another that I can ease away for know and concentrate more on my new job, that I'm really enjoying, despite it not actually involving any coaching. Like I said, I may write again, I just don't want anyone holding their breath.
To all the folks that have emailed, and let me know how much I've helped you, I say thank you. You really don't know how much you've helped me. Don't hesitate to email me, it may take me awhile, but I'll still talk ball with anybody. Peace out!
Duece